Post by alicecoopersgirl on Nov 8, 2006 10:29:31 GMT
The Silent Treatment
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving
each
other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next
day,he
would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning
business
flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote
on a
piece of paper,
"Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would find
it.
The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM
and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and
see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper
by
the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.
WIFE VS. HUSBAND
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a
word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument and
neither of them wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs,
the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws
WOMEN'S REVENGE
"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished
to
purchase.
As she fumbled for her wallet I noticed a remote control for a
television
set in her purse.
"So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked.
"No," she replied, " but my husband refused to come shopping with
me,
and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him
legally."
UNDERSTANDING WOMEN
(A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)
I know I'm not going to understand women.
I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax,
pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root,
and still be afraid of a spider.
W O R D S
A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use
a
day...
30,000 to a man's 15,000.
The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat
everything to men...
The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"
CREATION
A man said t o his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be
so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.
" The wife responded, "Allow me to explain.
God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;
God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!
WHO DOES WHAT
A man and his wife were having an argument about who
should brew the coffee each morning.
The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first,
and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee."
The husband said, " You are in charge of cooking around here and
you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for
my
coffee."
Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the
Bible
that the man should do the coffee."
Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me."
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament
and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed
says.........."HEBREWS"
God may have created man before woman,
but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece.
SEND THIS TO SMART WOMEN WHO NEED A LAUGH AND TO MEN YOU THINK CAN
HANDLE
IT !
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving
each
other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next
day,he
would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning
business
flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote
on a
piece of paper,
"Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would find
it.
The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM
and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and
see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper
by
the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.
WIFE VS. HUSBAND
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a
word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument and
neither of them wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs,
the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws
WOMEN'S REVENGE
"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished
to
purchase.
As she fumbled for her wallet I noticed a remote control for a
television
set in her purse.
"So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked.
"No," she replied, " but my husband refused to come shopping with
me,
and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him
legally."
UNDERSTANDING WOMEN
(A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)
I know I'm not going to understand women.
I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax,
pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root,
and still be afraid of a spider.
W O R D S
A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use
a
day...
30,000 to a man's 15,000.
The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat
everything to men...
The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"
CREATION
A man said t o his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be
so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.
" The wife responded, "Allow me to explain.
God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;
God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!
WHO DOES WHAT
A man and his wife were having an argument about who
should brew the coffee each morning.
The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first,
and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee."
The husband said, " You are in charge of cooking around here and
you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for
my
coffee."
Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the
Bible
that the man should do the coffee."
Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me."
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament
and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed
says.........."HEBREWS"
God may have created man before woman,
but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece.
SEND THIS TO SMART WOMEN WHO NEED A LAUGH AND TO MEN YOU THINK CAN
HANDLE
IT !
