Post by shreikster on Nov 11, 2006 15:01:02 GMT
Tesco are now selling TAMPAX with bells and fairy lights on.
It's for the Christmas period only
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The teacher says to the child "Give me a word with 10 letters in it" "MASTURBATE" Says the child. "Thats a mouthful" to which the kid goes "No Miss thats a blow job and It's only 7 letters"
*************************************************************
A woman on her death bed called her husband and instructed him to look under the bed. He looked under and saw a wooden box. He was puzzled to find 3 eggs and £7000 in cash so he asked his wife what the eggs are for.
"Oh those" she replied "Well whenever we had bad sex I placed an egg in the box" not bad the husband thought to himself, after 35 years of marriage.
Then he asked "But the £7000?"
"Oh. Everytime I got a dozen I sold them"
*************************************************************
A woman walked into a doctor surgery trailing four children behind her, all under school age. "I think I'm pregnant again Dr" she sighs. The doctor examines her and confirms she is expecting her 5th child.
"It must be something in the air" she blushes
"yes" he mutters "probably your legs"
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Due to line testing your phone will vibrate for 10 mins so take the chance to shove it up your arse and enjoy. BT Making people come together.
*************************************************************
4 things not to say in a gay bar
(1) Fuck me, it's hot in here
(2) Can I push your stool in
(3) Toss you for the next round
(4) Can I bum a fag
*************************************************************
did you hear about the woman who didn't know what to wear to the Fancy dress party? She pulled her piss flaps up over her head and went as a sugar puff
*************************************************************
What do bungee jumping and sex with a prostitute have in common?
(1) they both cost £100
(2) They both last 30 seconds
(3) If the rubber breaks you're a deadman
*************************************************************
Why do men have holes in their willies?
so the oxygen can get to their brain
*************************************************************
What do you call a man with a 1" willie?
Justin
*************************************************************
Who are the toughest race of all?
Women. Who else can bleed for a week and survive.
*************************************************************
My mate met this chinese bird the other day and took her back to his. She said she'd do anything for him. He asked "what about a 69" She replied "Get lost. I'm not cooking at this time of night"
*************************************************************
Whats the difference between LFC and Princess Di?
at least Liverpool make it out of the tunnel
*************************************************************
Why doesn't Emu need Viagra?
Because Rod is permanently stiff
*************************************************************
Superman is bored as Batman is off fighting crime so he decides to fly around the world. he is just flying over NY when he spots Wonder Woman naked on the Empire State building. He thinks to himself that this is the only time he could have her so swoops off, does the business and flies off feeling rather pleased with himself. Meanwhile wonder woman is asking "What the hell was that". The invisible man rolls off the top of her and says "I don't know, but my bloody arse is hurting"
*************************************************************
It's for the Christmas period only
*************************************************************
The teacher says to the child "Give me a word with 10 letters in it" "MASTURBATE" Says the child. "Thats a mouthful" to which the kid goes "No Miss thats a blow job and It's only 7 letters"
*************************************************************
A woman on her death bed called her husband and instructed him to look under the bed. He looked under and saw a wooden box. He was puzzled to find 3 eggs and £7000 in cash so he asked his wife what the eggs are for.
"Oh those" she replied "Well whenever we had bad sex I placed an egg in the box" not bad the husband thought to himself, after 35 years of marriage.
Then he asked "But the £7000?"
"Oh. Everytime I got a dozen I sold them"
*************************************************************
A woman walked into a doctor surgery trailing four children behind her, all under school age. "I think I'm pregnant again Dr" she sighs. The doctor examines her and confirms she is expecting her 5th child.
"It must be something in the air" she blushes
"yes" he mutters "probably your legs"
*************************************************************
Due to line testing your phone will vibrate for 10 mins so take the chance to shove it up your arse and enjoy. BT Making people come together.
*************************************************************
4 things not to say in a gay bar
(1) Fuck me, it's hot in here
(2) Can I push your stool in
(3) Toss you for the next round
(4) Can I bum a fag
*************************************************************
did you hear about the woman who didn't know what to wear to the Fancy dress party? She pulled her piss flaps up over her head and went as a sugar puff
*************************************************************
What do bungee jumping and sex with a prostitute have in common?
(1) they both cost £100
(2) They both last 30 seconds
(3) If the rubber breaks you're a deadman
*************************************************************
Why do men have holes in their willies?
so the oxygen can get to their brain
*************************************************************
What do you call a man with a 1" willie?
Justin
*************************************************************
Who are the toughest race of all?
Women. Who else can bleed for a week and survive.
*************************************************************
My mate met this chinese bird the other day and took her back to his. She said she'd do anything for him. He asked "what about a 69" She replied "Get lost. I'm not cooking at this time of night"
*************************************************************
Whats the difference between LFC and Princess Di?
at least Liverpool make it out of the tunnel
*************************************************************
Why doesn't Emu need Viagra?
Because Rod is permanently stiff
*************************************************************
Superman is bored as Batman is off fighting crime so he decides to fly around the world. he is just flying over NY when he spots Wonder Woman naked on the Empire State building. He thinks to himself that this is the only time he could have her so swoops off, does the business and flies off feeling rather pleased with himself. Meanwhile wonder woman is asking "What the hell was that". The invisible man rolls off the top of her and says "I don't know, but my bloody arse is hurting"
*************************************************************